Local politician, Greedy McGreedy, leaned heavily on his
armchair, enjoying a well-deserved cigar after a heavy lunch. It
had been tiring morning of signing policies planned out by his
flunkies. And now, his hand hurt from all the exertion of carrying
that gold fountain pen. Flunkie, one of his flunkies, stands at
rigid attention, like all good aide-de-camps do, his uniform
resplendent with gold buttons and military medals. You would have
thought Flunkie had fought in a dozen wars, just by the number of
medals he wore. But no, the closest Flunkie had even come to
fighting a battle was playing shooting-games like
"Counter-Strike".
"I think I need a pay raise. I am underpaid," McGreedy said
sadly.
"Very good, Sir! But aren't you overpaid to begin with, Sir?"
Flunkie replied politely.
"Me, hell no! My pal, Peter van Loot, is earning $1 for every 55
cents I make!" McGreedy laughed.
"But you do nothing Sir! Peter van Loot, on the other hand, is a
non-scholar who rose from the ranks. Sir!"
"Flunkie, aren't you forgetting your place?"
"Sorry Sir. I wasn't a scholar like you are Sir! My Latin isn't
that polished, and my family isn't powerful. That explains why I
can't see it from your point of view."
McGreedy smiles. "It is pretty easy to explain, Flunkie. If you
left the service, where would you go? What else could you do? Now,
if I were to step down, huge corporations would be falling over
their feet to hire me. I could earn much more!"
"I agree Sir. I am not that skilled. I may starve to death outside
the service. But begging your pardon Sir, most of the ministers who
left are now working for companies that are associated with the
government, Sir. They don't seem to be working for private
corporations as claimed, Sir."
"Aheem...." McGreedy clears his throat. "That's beside the point,
Flunkie. Just take it from me that if I left, I could earn much
more working outside. Remember, I am very talented."
"Yes, you are, Sir. I am sure you are more talented than Chermaine
Upsnoot, the Member of Parliament who works part-time as a local
MP, holds down a full-time job, and still has the time to sit on a
dozen directorships and four different government committees at the
same time. I wonder how she does it, when I don't even have enough
time to take on a part-time job on top of my own normal job?"
"Chermaine Upsnoot is a very talented woman, Flunkie. Don't mock
her."
"I am sorry, sir. She made a big impact on many of us, when she
told some loser to get out of her elite, uncaring face a couple of
months ago. What a gem of wisdom! Get out of my elite, uncaring
face!"
"Yes, I can sense your sadness for the underprivileged," McGreedy
said. "But that's life. God made some of us talented, and the rest
to be idiots to oppose our pay raises."
"Are you a talent, Sir?"
"Of course I am! I studied at Oxbridge. Was granted a scholarship
worth at least a quarter-million dollars!"
"But you are rich Sir! Your family could afford it. Wouldn't some
kid from a poor family benefit more from that scholarship?"
"Poor people? Hah! They would probably waste their money on
handphones and clothes. You don't want a poor man to rise up. He
would probably end up proposing something silly like giving more
money to the destitute. No Sir, we wouldn't want that, would we?
Besides, I won that scholarship fair and square."
"You had the money to engage a dozen tutors, Sir. Most poor people
can't."
"Still within the rules of the game, Flunkie," McGreedy said
shrewdly. "Still within the rules of the game."
McGreedy takes a deep puff from his cigar.
"Flunkie, what would this nation do without me? Look at the string
of testinomials I have! Look at the list of my
accomplishments."
"Testimonials aren't worth shit, Sir! I wrote many of them myself.
Told always to write the good stuff, and play down the bad. Not
unless I am given specific orders to screw someone up."
"Are you saying that all the good reports about me are lies?"
"Wouldn't dare to, Sir. But they are most likely to be exaggerated,
just like your accomplishments, Sir."
"I am a talent! God-damnit! God save me from fools like you who do
not know how to appreciate talents like me! I will leave the
service in protest!" McGreedy threatened. "What you idiots need is
a good dose of incompetent government."
"Tell me more about your talents, Sir!"
"I was Secretary of Education."
"You screwed up, Sir. More and more parents are resorting to
private tuition because your teachers are not interested to
teach."
"Not interested to teach? Who are they, flunkie? I will fire
them."
"You have to fire over half your teachers then. Your teachers are
too busy with non-teaching duties, writing educational reports,
playing educational games in class."
"Student centred learning is the way to go, Flunkie! Stop being so
backward!"
"Tuition centres are damn popular, Sir! And they teach only in the
traditional method. Your school teachers are not keen to teach, so
the tuition centres and private tutors will do your teachers' job.
I also engaged private tuition for my son, Sir."
"I love kids, Flunkie. That's why I had all these innovative
programs for them. That's also my reason for later transfering to
the Department of Charity," McGreedy said proudly.
"As Secretary of Charity, you proposed that the poor and needy be
given less than $290 a month. You were paid millions a year as
Secretary of Charity, and yet, the poor and needy, after paying
their rent and utility bills each month, have barely enough for 3
meals?"
"3 meals at where, Flunkie? The local food court, or at a
restaurant?" McGreedy laughed.
"You know exactly where, Sir. Lame and sarcastic, Sir. Way beneath
what a man of your stature should be saying, Sir," Flunkie replied
laconically.
"Dammit Flunkie! You can't give the poor too much money! It makes
them lazy!"
"Which is why most poor workers will have to work till they are 80.
Even the President of our country is still working, when he should
have retired long ago."
"God bless our President, Flunkie," McGreedy said, standing up at
attention, and placing a hand over his heart.
"God bless his soul, Sir. Even at the age of 80, he still sells
Roti Prata. Not for the money, of course. But to set an example for
the rest of us lazy and irresponsible peasants who wish to enjoy
life after working hard for dozens of years. You can't find fault
with such a sagely man, Sir."
"I was also Secretary of Finance," McGreedy said, changing the
subject. "Because I care for our people's retirement fund.
"Even worse, Sir. We all wondered who was the idiot running that
department. Most retirees won't have enough money in their
retirement fund to retire, thanks to your planning. You really
should learn from Warren Buffet how to manage a fund. And his
salary is smaller than yours, Sir!"
"But I give the peasants 2.5% interest on their retirement fund
each year, even more than the banks."
"But charge 7% for Goods & Service Tax. We are all losing money
from the start point."
"Imbecile! That money is used for helping the poor!"
"So, you are now playing Robin Hood, Sir? Rob the rich to help the
poor?"
"Er...the banks are paying less than my 2.5% a year," McGreedy said
quickly.
"The banks are blood-suckers, Sir. We pay you a ton of cash each
year, and the best you can give us is 2.5% return each year. Didn't
you claim you are an investment whiz, wheeling and dealing all over
the world, like in Suzhou and Thailand?"
"Er...let's not talk about Thailand, Flunkie..."
"Sure thing, after all, you did your 'due diligence' in that phone
company and still lost billions of dollars."
"We didn't lose money, god dammnit! It's a long-term investment!
Fools like you won't understand," McGreedy snapped.
"So, we are paying you $2 million dollars a year, so that you can
make such 'long-term' investments for us, Sir!"
"Enough! Flunkie! What do you know of running a $4 trillion
economy? You want to quibble about a $20 million pay raise for all
politicians, when a $4 trillion economy is at stake? You are just a
low life form who can't even get a 'C+' on his annual
evaluation."
"Sir, our Gross Domestic Product two years ago was roughly $US 194
billion. You are telling me that it jumped more than ten times
since?" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Economy_of_Singapore
"It is? Hell, what's the difference between $4 trillion and $194
billion amongst old friends? I have been your politician for over
ten years!"
"You also have a major say in running our local retirement fund,
Sir. And you can't even tell the difference between $194 billion
from $4 trillion dollars. You must be a highly paid idiot,
Sir!"
"How dare you, Flunkie! I am a talent and I deserve to be highly
paid and deeply respected!"
"You messed up time and again, Sir! You don't need to pay millions
for a fool to mess up."
"Wait...okay, but at least you agree with the spirit of the idea
that top talent should be well paid, do you?"
"Stop using a round-about way to call yourself a talent,
Sir!"
"Answer the damn, fucking question! Flunkie!" McGreedy shouted,
throwing the remnants of his cigar onto the floor.
Flunkie immediately snaps to rigid attention, in true military
form. Bellowing like a sergeant major on a parade square, Flunkie
gave his reply.
"No sir! I don't think top talents in public office should be paid
$2-3 million a year! Sir!
That is because, Sir, I don't think you are a talent to begin with!
Sir!"
